I don't see how this is a hard concept, but apparently it is. Everyday I see new posts where parents are upset because their kids are doing something crazy (or in some cases the parent is just worried they might) and they're wanting someone to tell them how to fix the problem.
First off, for some of you parents of teens, it may be too late for my advice because talking to your kids is not something that you can just start out of the blue. It can take years to develop the type of trust between you and your child that it takes to make talking to them effective, but without that trust, you can talk until you are blue in the face and the kid will just stare at you blankly as your words go in one ear and out the other. In order to build this trust effectively you have to start early- the earlier the better.
I often see the question "when did you start talking to your child about ____________." and this is a marker for exactly the wrong mind set. If they are old enough that you are wondering when you should start talking to them about something, you probably should have started talking to them about it at least 6 months ago. For example, I saw one the other day asking for advice on when to start talking to their pre-teen about drugs. Ladies, I have news for you : I started talking to my kids about drugs/ alcohol/ and cigarettes when my oldest was a 1st grader, and now that she is 15, we still have regular family discussions about these subjects and many others, because talking to your kids is not a one time shot- it has to be continuous discussion.
Which brings me to another point- it has to be a discussion, not a lecture. If it's one sided, the chances of it having any impact at all is questionable at best. Ask them some questions and LISTEN to their answers. Find out if they have already talked to friends or teachers or somebody else about it and if they already have opinions about the subject. You may be surprised by how much they already know or think they know and this gives you the opportunity to build on their existing base of knowledge rather than blindly repeat or refuting things they have already accepted as fact, which just makes you look stupid in their eyes. Using their "knowledge" as a spring board to launch your discussion gets them involved and increases the chances that you will actually be heard. And if they claim no knowledge, use media images to start with. Media in this case can include anything that is relevant to your child such as magazines, TV shows, movies or newspapers. For example, I once launched a discussion with my kids about marijuana by reading to them a short article that I found on-line that was talking about fan speculation that Shaggy and Scooby from the show Scooby Doo were potheads. My kids were and still are Scooby Doo fans, so this made the subject very relevant to them.
The next piece, of course, is timing. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MAGIC TIME TO BROACH A SUBJECT WITH YOUR KIDS. If you are busy looking for that perfect time to talk to them about something, they will get the information somewhere else and your chances of reaching them will disappear. You have to seize the chance to talk them ANYTIME that the opportunity comes up. If you are watching a movie with them and one of the characters starts drinking or smoking, use it! If you find something on-line that you think they may recognize (like I did with the Scooby Doo thing), use it! If you see something in the newspaper that talks about it, use it! And for God's sake, if they ask you a question, USE IT! You don't need a single perfect moment- several random discussions are more effective than a one specially timed and planned one.
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