Since I did a piece on Scheduling, I thought I should also do something about routines which are closely related, but, in my opinion, are actually more important. Routines are one of those things that most people have but just don't think about. Sometimes their complicated, but most of the time they are simple. What's important though is the sense of security that they afford us. That sense of security is especially important to anyone who has limited control over their lives. This need for consistency and routine just gets more intense as the sense of control decreases. That's why when as adults we feel like the world is against us and we don't see any way that we can change that, we tend to fall back to old habits- the habits are comfortable and familiar and give us a sense of consistency that is lacking in other areas of our lives at that point. Habits can be good or bad, but, either way, they are established the same way- through routines that you repeat over and over again until they become automatic.
As parents routines are one of the most potent tools in our arsenals. They help us teach kids manners like saying please and thank you and healthy habits like brushing teeth and even things that seem instinctual like functional play with toys, but we often forget how helpful they can be in helping our kids cope with changes, prepare for a difficult task, or just relax and calm down when they are upset. And routines get even more important with a special needs child with physical limitations or developmental delays as their inability to participate in the same activities as siblings or peers can make them feel completely helpless.
I have, of course, used routines with my kids for as long as I can remember, but I was never as acutely aware of how helpful they could be until my youngest, who is diagnosed with severe Autism, sensory dysfunction and a seizure disorder, came along, mostly because he required so much more involved routines. T's need for structure and consistency is easily twice or more as intense as my other 3 kids. Breaking one of his routines can ruin his whole day, or in some cases his whole week. Just for example, every morning when he gets up, T likes to spend 15 min or so cuddling with me on the couch- it is a very simple but important part of his morning routine.
One morning about a year and a half ago, we had a brief power outage in the middle of the night and so, of course, when I awoke needing to use the bathroom the next morning, I went into instant panic mode when I glanced at my watch and realized that T's bus would be there to pick him up in 10 minutes!
I quickly threw some clothes on myself, asked one of the older kids to go warm up a hot pocket for T's breakfast and began rushing T through his routine- go to the bathroom, get dressed, brush hair and teeth, wash face- then I glanced at my watch again. 1 min left until we were supposed to be at the bus stop. I headed for the kitchen to grab the hot pocket that his sister had indeed prepared and turned hand it to T, but he had not come to the kitchen with me. He was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I grabbed his hand and said "Come on, son. Time to go."
T has a severe communication delay and barely speaks, but he immediately understood that I had no intention of sitting on the couch with him and you could see the panic on his little face. He grabbed my wrist with his free hand and pulled me toward the cushion next to him "'Mon!" ('C'mon), he said.
"No, it's time for your bus."
"NO!!!!!" Instant tears. He tried again to pull me to the couch as I reached my other hand down to gently pull his body toward the front door. I got him off the couch and he collapsed at my feet. He wrenched his hand out of mine, grabbed his ears and began to rock back and forth, now screaming in addition to the tears which were absolutely streaming down his face.
That melt down took hours to get under control, and although I did get him calmed down and taken to school, his whole day was completely unproductive- so much so that I got a phone call from his teacher (who never calls unless there is a REAL problem) asking if T had had a bad night or something.
Eventually, T will have to outgrow the need for that piece of his routine, but for now it remains an important piece of his morning.
While this example, may seem extreme, look at your own routine. How many of you read the newspaper in the morning? Have you ever tried skipping that and then spent the day thinking that you had forgotten something, but couldn't remember what it was?
Or maybe you had a loved one that lived with you pass away and you woke in the middle of night because in your dreams you realized that you hadn't hugged or kissed that person good night.
Routine is important to us all.
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