One Thing After Another

Ever have one of those years where nothing seems to go right? I'm closing in on the end of a real humdinger.

As I have mentioned before, my youngest son, Zack is severely autistic. He's been in a specialized, self-contained classroom since he was about 6 and considering his delays and challenges, he has been doing pretty well over the years. In 2015, he moved from the multi-age classroom he'd been in for 5 years to a similar program at one of the local high schools.  There was nearly a year's worth of prep-work put into making sure that the transition went as smoothly as possible, involving a lot of visits from the new teacher to the old classroom so that he could meet and work with Zack and get advice from staff who was familiar, several day trips to the new classroom so that Zack could become familiar with it and lots of storyboard work to help Zack understand that when the new year started he'd be in the new classroom full-time. Even with all the prep-work, the transition was a challenge and for the first few months it seemed that every other day his dad and I would be asked to come help with some combative behavior or to advise them on how to deal with a meltdown, but by about mid- January, he had settled in pretty well and the calls had slowed to a trickle.

Then in May everything started going downhill fast when, with no warning at all, I received a phone call informing me that the school district had decided that Zack had to move to the other high school for the coming school year. I immediately lodged a complaint with the school district and started making a series of phone calls to the school board members, the superintendent and anyone else that I thought might be able to help me get the decision reversed. "There's no time to prepare him for the move!" I told them. "He can't handle that kind of disruption to his routine without a lot of prep-work! He's going to act out because he doesn't understand and someone will get hurt! Please, don't do this!" But I was ignored, or told that I was over reacting and that the staff at the other school could handle him. I dug out the storyboards we'd used to prepare him the year before and began working with him so that I could try to prepare him, but all the while I continued to plead with the district to change their minds or at least help me prepare him. My pleas were ignored- in part because they didn't even have a teacher for the new classroom yet, though, of course, they didn't tell me that until about two weeks before the school year was set to start when they finally hired someone. Then they invited Zack and I to come see the new school.

Alarm bells in my head, which had already been going strong for months now, managed to get even louder when we arrived at the school. We were met at the entrance by his new teacher- an older woman in her 60's who barely came up to Zack's shoulder- There was no way that this tiny woman could physically handle Zack if he became combative. She introduced herself to us and began to brag about how she knew how to handle kids like Zack because she had acted as a caregiver to another child with autism and the alarm bells rose a few more decibels, because anyone who has ever worked with multiple people on the autism spectrum knows that, while some things will carry over from one child to another, each one has it's own special challenges and knowing how to handle one only means you can handle that one. To assume otherwise is asking for trouble.

She ushered us into a conference room where the principal, vice principals, school psychiatrist, the school district's director of special services and the school's therapy team were waiting-  none of them had even considered that Zack would not really participate in this part of our visit and so there was nothing for him to do, so I pulled my phone out to let him play a game and the whole group suddenly realized their mistake. The next 20 minutes was spent with them all running in and out of the room trying to find an activity for Zack. When the teacher eventually came back with an iPad so that he could play games on a larger screen than my phone's, we finally started our meeting. They then proceeded to try to reassure me that they all knew what they were doing and Zack would adjust just fine. All I could think was, "you didn't even have enough foresight to realize he was going to need something to do for this meeting." I was also told during this meeting that since there was so little prep-time they were going to bring a para-educator from his old classroom to be his one on one so that there would be someone in the classroom that knew him, but they couldn't tell me who that would be because it hadn't been decided yet.

After this meeting which left me with even more doubts about this "plan", the teacher took Zack and I on tour of the school, and the alarm bells in my head were replaced by air raid sirens. First off, the school bus would be picking him up and dropping him off on the opposite side of the school, diagonal across the campus from his classroom, meaning that to get to and from his classroom, he was going to have to be escorted across the entire campus, through crowds of high school students who would not be even aware of how my sensory challenged son was being over-stimulated by the commotion. The classroom itself was a third the size of any that he had been in since preschool and had twice as many exits- big red flags for a kid with anxiety issues and a tendency to run when overwhelmed. The classroom was on the front corner of the school with one of the doors leading out to an open porch facing the busy road beyond the front parking lot and they had placed the desk with Zack's name on it right next to the door to the main hallway. As the teacher continued to share anecdotes about her previous autistic charge and inform me of things she intended to try to have Zack participate in, such as eating lunch in the busy cafeteria and participating in a general ed PE class, I reeled from the sheer number of red flag items that I was seeing. Had these people even looked at Zack's file? Were they unaware of the anxiety attacks he had the last time he was in such a small classroom where he ended up curled up in a corner, lashing out like a wounded animal whenever anyone got too close? Or the numerous times he had slipped out of other classrooms unnoticed, trying to get home, when he was overwhelmed by whatever was going on? Had they not read the reports of combative and disruptive behavior when he had been put in crowded gen ed classes on a trial basis in the past? Or the numerous times he had had to be kept out of assemblies or other high commotion situations because he went into meltdown before he ever even reached the area because of over-stimulation? How could anyone think this was a good setting for him?

But anytime I voiced a concern, I was simply told not to worry and the sirens got louder.

The next few months went from bad to worse. First off, the para that was supposed to follow him from the other classroom never appeared. The teacher that was so convinced that she could "handle" Zack was fired in the first month for grabbing and shaking another kid in frustration, and by mid-October, Zack's school behavior had deteriorated to the point that he was being brought home early in a police car more than he was being brought home on the bus.  By Halloween the school district was ready to admit that they had made a mistake moving him, but rather than move him back to the setting where he was doing well, they decided instead to send him to another school entirely. Fortunately this time, it was to a school that was actually equipped to work with him.  We met with staff from the new school the first week of November and adjusted his IEP to reflect the change and after seeing the much less crowded, locked campus facility and meeting the staff, I was totally on board with this new option.  I came home from the meeting more hopeful and relaxed than I had been in months.

And then it all came crashing down again. When I got home, there was a notice from the landlord on the door- due to the frequency of police vehicles visiting our home over the last few weeks, the landlord had decided that he would not be renewing our lease at the end of January and we were being informed that should we not be moved out by the 1st of February, he would begin eviction proceedings.

So, I began hunting for a new place to rent.  Unfortunately, if any of you have looked into renting in the Olympia, WA area lately, larger rental units (we need a 4 bedroom) are few and far between and when they do pop up they often get snatched up before I even notice that they've appeared on the market. It's now mid January, Zack, I'm proud to report, is settling in well to his new school and we are in the process of packing up, but we still don't have anywhere to move to. I feel like such a failure.

Anyone got a suggestion out there? Because I don't know what to do anymore.

Parenting

Having kids is a real trip- I love my kids and I think that I've generally done pretty well with them, but other parents continually baffle me. They won't give their kids straight answers and then expect the kid to not only not ask anyone else but also to trust what they say over anyone else. And God forbid that their kid asks you and you have the gall to answer them honestly. Do other parents really think that they are protecting their kids by avoiding talking to them about sex and drugs and other less than savory subjects until they are "old enough" and someone else has already answered their questions? I find the concept utterly flawed. 

My kids and I have had an ongoing discussion going about sex and drugs from the time that they were just old enough to ask what a cigarette was and why people smoke them. By the time that my kids were old enough for the schools to be thinking about teaching them sex ed, my kids were not only more well informed on the subject than most of their classmates, but their teachers were using them as back up on topics not covered by the textbooks, because they already had the correct information. Meanwhile, other kids are getting pregnant and ruining their lives with drugs because their parents won't tell them anything and the schools are waiting too long because the parents don't want them to bring it up and so the kids are asking other kids and getting bad advice. Other parents accuse me of pushing my kids to grow up too quick, or pushing them toward things they "aren't ready for," but I would argue that my kids speak for themselves. I have 2 in technical college programs (Computer Aided Manufacturing and Culinary) and 2 still in High School. All getting good grades, no drug or alcohol issues, no pregnancies or STDs or anything like that, and I have generally good relationships with all of them. My kids are the type that teachers generally love- they listen, they learn quickly and they are always doing research on stuff. You can bring up topics with them that most other kids have no clue on and my kids probably not only know what you are talking about but probably know stuff about it you don't.  Example: My 14 year old, Scott, was having a discussion with his teacher about behavioral psychology (started by a classroom discussion of the play Oedipus). It was the last class of the day, so Scott stuck around to continue talking with his teacher while the other kids slowly wandered off. Scott and his English teacher have a lot of great discussions and the other kids from the class will often stick around to listen because they always learn something when Scott starts talking. They began talking about the Oedipus syndrome and various ways that that tendency shows up in most people, such as girls tending to search for guys that have similar character traits to their dads, or boys wanting a girl who shares a talent with their mom, etc. and moved into a debate on the merits of Freud's work and after a few great points about how many of Freud's theories having a grain of merit that was often just taken to an unreasonable extreme, Scott's teacher commented that he seemed to be very knowledgeable about behavioral psychology and asked if that was what he planned to pursue after high school, to which Scott replied, "No, I'm going into Biochemistry. This was just something that I was reading about for fun." **Note this story was originally told to me by one of the other kids in the room and then later repeated to me again by the teacher during a conference.**  

All in all I think that I have done pretty well with my kids, so why is it that other parents don't seem to like them and routinely tell their kids that my kids are a bad influence? How? My kids are never in trouble, they're well behaved, outgoing, helpful, generally polite, and always willing to help their friends learn something new. Their friends love coming to our house and we've had more than a few of them want to move in. Why? Is it because we let them do whatever they want? Hell, NO! We have a very simple set of rules. Everyone in the house has a set of chores that they are expected to do and kids under 18 have a curfew and if the older ones are not coming home for the night they have to let us know before 9pm. Other than that our only rule is "Don't be that guy." I tell people that and they tend to look at me like I'm crazy, but it works. 

And who is "that guy"? We all know that guy. He's the one that pisses off everyone by playing pranks that no one else thinks is funny. He's the one that thinks that it's ok to not do the things they're supposed to because someone else will pick up the slack. He's the one that takes your stuff out of your room, wallet, purse, house, whatever, without asking and might return it in a couple of months if it is still mostly usable. He's the one that has no idea when it's ok to be loud and joke around and when it's better to be quiet. He's the one that bullies people into doing things their way all the time instead of letting other people have a turn leading once in a while. He's the one that never cares how anything he does affects anyone else. Hopefully you get the point. 

Early on, we just got in the habit of stopping the kids and pointing out something that someone was doing that we thought fell into the "that guy" category and just saying, "Look! it's that guy again." or if they were doing it, "Would you like it if that was done to you? No? Then don't be that guy to anyone else."  If they asked what was wrong with something, we told them. "It's rude and hurts people's feelings." Or "he almost ran into those people and that would have really hurt." or "he's hurting himself and the people who are around him." or "it's not his." As the kids got older the explanations were asked for less and often could be a lot more technical, but the point is that their questions got answered, even it was "I'm not sure, but let's look it up." 

One of Scott's best friends' parents moved their family to the next town over and out right told their kid that now that they were in this new place Scott was not welcome. They are allowed contact with all their other friends, but not Scott. Why? Where is the logic. Scott helped this kid pass History last year and has tutored him in grammar. How is he a bad influence? Answer: He has too much freedom. They think that the fact that I was letting Scott ride the public bus on his own at age 10 was too soon. They think the fact that my kids know how to cook is dangerous. They think that the fact that my kid knew more about the research on the actual effects of extended use of assorted narcotics than they do means that we are encouraging them to use drugs. In short, they think they are protecting their kid, who is 2 years older than Scott and in total rebellion over all of this.  

Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I am frustrated and baffled.  

The US Immigration Controversy

There's been a lot of press about this lately and it's got me going again. First off I do agree that many of the new laws that many states are trying to enact go over the top, but on the other hand I have to say that I can't really support the groups opposing the laws either because many of them seem to have lost track of the fact that many of the people that they are attempting to protect are here illegally. I may not agree with the current laws that govern the immigration of people from other countries to the US, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to ignore them and come in illegally. I also sympathize with the thousands of adult illegals who were brought here illegally by their parents before they could object and who don't remember living anywhere else, but it is not the law that has done them wrong- it is the parents who brought them into this legal predicament in the first place.

I think that in light of the numbers that we are talking about, there does need to be a reevaluation of the way that these cases are handled, but I bristle against the implication that everyone who has grown up here is automatically entitled to all the benefits of citizenship, even if their very presence is illegal.  US citizens have jumped through the hoops and paid their dues. They and their families should be entitled to the benefits of being a citizen (eg. public education for their kids, decent living conditions and infasctructure, resident pricing for college), and they should not have to take a back seat to people who decided that coming into the country legally was too much trouble and so they were going to sneak in and demand all those benefits anyway.

I would like to see a program put in place that would allow many of the currently illegal residents of our country to acquire citizenship in a timely manner and that would allow for a more reasonable process for people still wanting to come in, but I think that should be accompanied with stiffer regulations to punish those who still refuse to legitimize their residence here. I agree however that the current stance of stiffer regulations with no alternative is wrong, if only because it does effect so many who were drug into this situation before they were old enough to object.

Creationism in Biology class?!? Really?

Ok, so here's the deal... I was talking to this friend of mine who has 3 kids the same age as 2 of mine (a set of girl/boy twins the same age as my oldest daughter and a daughter the same age as my oldest son) All 5 of them are in high school this year, but at separate schools, and we were catching up and comparing notes having a completely normal conversation when all of the sudden she launches into this little rant about how she is going to go to the school and insist that her kids be allowed to leave the classroom when their biology classes cover evolution because the school refuses to teach creationism as a competing theory.

I had to almost physically restrain myself from responding to her.  I really like this lady and there is a lot that I really admire about her, but when it comes to this subject I just can not agree with her, but in the interest of preserving our friendship, I held my tongue and did the whole smile and nod routine. After all, whether I agree or not I am a firm believer in the idea that if she wants to believe in that type of religious claptrap... well that is her business, but when she suggested that Creationism SHOULD be taught in our schools I almost lost it.  I wanted to scream at her! CREATIONISM IS NOT A SCIENTIFIC THEORY! AT BEST, FROM A SCIENTIFIC STANDPOINT,  IT QUALIFIES AS AN UNTESTED HYPOTHESIS (AND I'M NOT SURE BUT IT MAY NOT EVEN QUALIFY FOR THAT AS HYPOTHESES USUALLY HAVE TO BE BASED ON OBSERVATION AND CREATIONISM REALLY HAS NOTHING EXCEPT THE HEARSAY FOUND IN THE BIBLE!

In fact, I have to wonder how many people who claim to believe that Creationism is true are even aware that prior to the creation of the King James version of the Bible, there were actually multiple versions of the creation story in Christian lore. Most of those versions can still be found from other sources, though a few have been lost to ages due to the Church at the time of King James hunting down and destroying as many copies as they could get their hands on. Furthermore, the biblical book of Genesis, like most other early biblical texts, was not written down at all until the time of Moses, which means that it's most likely not even close to the original version to begin with since we all know how well facts are preserved when spread by word of mouth alone- anyone ever play "telephone" as a kid? Each generation that told that story prior to it being written down would have changed the story a little bit- maybe not intentionally, but it would have happened- and we are talking about a lot of generations here. Not to mention that each time it got translated into another language it would change a little bit more and it went through at least 2 translations before it landed in the King James Bible (Hebrew to Latin and Latin to English).

So near as I can tell, the closest thing that the Creationists have to real proof of their claims is another hypothesis- the idea of intelligent design, which basically says that the fact that all things in the universe follow set rules like gravity implies that there must be a God.... that at least has some observable basis, but it's pretty weak, because while there are indeed a large number of rules that the universe follows, there is also a lot of chance and a lot of random crap that argues against the idea. Honestly I think that I would be more apt to believe in God if those rules of nature didn't exist because then there would be no other explanation for why anything worked.

If any of you have gotten this far (and I would be surprised if you did, all of you folks out there that believe in the idea of creationism), I would urge you to consider this thought: You can not permanently protect your children from learning about theories like evolution (and if they intend to progress in scientific studies in college, they won't have the option of opting out and still getting credit there) but do you really want the scientists that view your "theory" as little more than popular tripe to be the ones teaching your kids about the creationist ideas? It is my opinion that if you believe in creationism as strongly as you seem to think that you do, the better idea would be to ask for an elective class that would have a teacher that believes in it teaching these ideas, but don't be surprised if not even the religious based colleges consider the elective an acceptable alternative to sciences like modern biology.

Please Think Of The Children- Learning By Doing

This is a subject that has been a thorn in my paw for a long time. Every where you look there are examples of institutions, especially schools, trying to accommodate individuals that are screaming "PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" Unfortunately, this is usually manifesting in more and more examples of ways that kids are being prevented from being kids. Schools today have ridiculous rules preventing kids from doing totally normal things like running on the play ground or jumping off of swings, or, my personal favorite, the increasingly popular "Hands off" policies that even punish kids for helping other kids up when they fall down.

I totally understand the schools' positions. They have limited operational funds already. They can't afford to have those funds cut because they are defending themselves against law suits from angry parents whose kids are injured on school grounds. So I want to say outright that I do not want to criticize the schools who are only trying to protect themselves as well as they can.

My anger is directed at the people that make these policies necessary. It is not the school's responsibility to wrap your kids in bubble wrap and protect them from every possible bump and scrape. Kids do dumb things and sometimes it gets them hurt, but it is an essential part of the learning process to have the freedom to try some of those things.

Learning to make good decisions requires that you have the freedom to make bad ones. Maybe it's just me, but it makes far more sense to me to let them do that when they are kids and the choices that they make have more controllable consequences. Let them run on the playground- if they run into something and get hurt, maybe they will learn to watch where they are going.

And another thing, let them fight back when someone hurts them- there isn't always going to be a teacher/parent/adult to protect them- sooner or later they have to learn how to fight for themselves. I have just about had it up to here with the stupid rules that punish kids who are being bullied and decide to fight back just as much as the kids doing the bullying. I know a kid who was constantly being bullied before his mom decided to home-school him and the final straw in her decision was when her son was jumped by a group of 4 older kids as he was coming out of the gym. The older kids jumping him was bad enough, but what really pissed her off was that because during the ensuing struggle her son threw one of the other boys off his back and into a wall, her son was suspended for just as long as the other kids. Since when was self-defense not ok?  I'm sorry for all you parents of bullies out there who don't want your kid to get hurt, but if your 13 yr old hits my 11 yr old, I would applaud my kid for turning around and returning the favor.   In my opinion, any person that thinks that it would be better for that same 11yr old to curl up and take the beating needs to be brought up on child abuse charges.

Obesity and the Healthcare Industry

I recently saw a report from the World Health Organization regarding obesity in Europe and the US which claimed that by 2030 about 1/2 of the populations of those regions will be "obese".  They urged the governments of those countries to take action to help curb this trend.

I understand the concerns regarding the correlation between obesity and other health problems such as diabetes, however I think that the WHO is barking up the wrong tree asking the governments to try to regulate this. Most of these governments are having trouble  balancing their budgets- what makes anyone think that they can balance our diets?

Aside from that, what in the world can the government do about it with out simply making people angry? I suppose that they could try to regulate the fast food chains more, but that's just going to piss off the fast food industry and their customers and encourage people to buy more junk food at the grocery stores. I suppose they could then extend the regulations to include many of the junk food items we currently have available to us in the stores, but you start mess with many of those items and you're gonna have some really angry people demanding the heads of the officials that are reducing their access to their Twinkies, potato chips and sodas.

WHO says that their numbers prove that we can't depend on people self-regulating this anymore, but I don't see any way that the government can regulate it for their citizens without instigating a lot of civil unrest and anger. If they really want to make a difference, maybe they need to invest some effort in teaching people how to regulate themselves. OR try regulating the prices of more healthy foods so that people can afford to buy more veggies and fruits, because I know that more often than not I end up choosing less healthy, more fattening foods because buying the equivalent in healthy foods is priced 50% or more higher for the same amount.

The Importance of Routine

Since I did a piece on Scheduling, I thought I should also do something about routines which are closely related, but, in my opinion, are actually more important. Routines are one of those things that most people have but just don't think about. Sometimes their complicated, but most of the time they are simple. What's important though is the sense of security that they afford us. That sense of security is especially important to anyone who has limited control over their lives. This need for consistency and routine just gets more intense as the sense of control decreases. That's why when as adults we feel like the world is against us and we don't see any way that we can change that, we tend to fall back to old habits-  the habits are comfortable and familiar and give us a sense of consistency that is lacking in other areas of our lives at that point.  Habits can be good or bad, but, either way, they are established the same way- through routines that you repeat over and over again until they become automatic.

As parents routines are one of the most potent tools in our arsenals. They help us teach kids manners like saying please and thank you and healthy habits like brushing teeth and even things that seem instinctual like functional play with toys, but we often forget how helpful they can be in helping our kids cope with changes, prepare for a difficult task, or just relax and calm down when they are upset. And routines get even more important with a special needs child with physical limitations or developmental delays as their inability to participate in the same activities as siblings or peers can make them feel completely helpless.

I have, of course, used routines with my kids for as long as I can remember, but I was never as acutely aware of how helpful they could be until my youngest, who is diagnosed with severe Autism, sensory dysfunction and a seizure disorder, came along, mostly because he required so much more involved routines. T's need for structure and consistency is easily twice or more as intense as my other 3 kids. Breaking one of his routines can ruin his whole day, or in some cases his whole week. Just for example, every morning when he gets up, T likes to spend 15 min or so cuddling with me on the couch- it is a very simple but important part of his morning routine.

One morning about a year and a half ago, we had a brief power outage in the middle of the night and so, of course, when I awoke needing to use the bathroom the next morning, I went into instant panic mode when I glanced at my watch and realized that T's bus would be there to pick him up in 10 minutes!

I quickly threw some clothes on myself, asked one of the older kids to go warm up a hot pocket for T's breakfast and began rushing T through his routine-  go to the bathroom,  get dressed, brush hair and teeth, wash face- then I glanced at my watch again. 1 min left until we were supposed to be at the bus stop. I headed for the kitchen to grab the hot pocket that his sister had indeed prepared and turned hand it to T, but he had not come to the kitchen with me. He was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I grabbed his hand and said "Come on, son. Time to go."

T has a severe communication delay and barely speaks, but he immediately understood that I had no intention of sitting on the couch with him and you could see the panic on his little face. He grabbed my wrist with his free hand and pulled me toward the cushion next to him "'Mon!" ('C'mon), he said.
"No, it's time for your bus."
"NO!!!!!" Instant tears. He tried again to pull me to the couch as I reached my other hand down to gently pull his body toward the front door. I got him off the couch and he collapsed at my feet. He wrenched his hand out of mine, grabbed his ears and began to rock back and forth, now screaming in addition to the tears which were absolutely streaming down his face.

That melt down took hours to get under control, and although I did get him calmed down and taken to school, his whole day was completely unproductive- so much so that I got a phone call from his teacher (who never calls unless there is a REAL problem) asking if T had had a bad night or something.

Eventually, T will have to outgrow the need for that piece of his routine, but for now it remains an important piece of his morning.

While this example, may seem extreme, look at your own routine. How many of you read the newspaper in the morning? Have you ever tried skipping that and then spent the day thinking that you had forgotten something, but couldn't remember what it was?

Or maybe you had a loved one that lived with you pass away and you woke in the middle of night because in your dreams you realized that you hadn't hugged or kissed that person good night.

Routine is important to us all.

Summer Scheduling

I was reminded this morning of the minor debate over the importance of scheduling for kids during the summer. While this is a subject most parents tend to either ignore or overdo, I believe that it's an important one.

There are lots of reasons for the debate, but the main argument is "Is it really worth my time?" because quite frankly summer is when most of us look forward to not having to force a schedule on our kids. I totally understand this position, but life with my youngest son, who is severely autistic, has caused me to rethink my position.

Especially during the summer, I have found that maintaining a very basic schedule is important for many reasons, not only for my autistic son, but also for my other kids and myself. Keeping a couple of basic daily events the same even during the summer goes a long way toward making getting back to school in the fall much easier, however it's important to not overdo it. I am a firm believer in the idea that if you don't allow kids time to do their own thing your inviting trouble.

My kids have a very skeletal schedule for the summer that has regular times for getting up, eating meals, and going to bed and generally includes at least one other event each day which changes from day to day. Most days that event will be a trip to the swimming pool. Other days it might be a trip to the children's museum downtown, or a joint outing with their cousins to the zoo. Beyond these basic things, I leave their schedule open so that they can play with their friends, read, play video games, watch movies, or whatever else they come up with (within reason of course).

I started scheduling with my kids shortly after the youngest was diagnosed in 2007, and at first, I was in "Super-Mom" mode and completely overdid it. I had almost everything on the schedule- even my kids' playtime with each other was timed out- but it quickly became apparent that I was pushing things too hard. The older kids rebelled, the younger ones tantrummed and they all whined and I accomplished very little beyond stressing myself out and making everyone miserable.

Then I discussed it with a good friend, who also has special needs kids and she said, "Honey, it's best to use a light touch. You have to provide enough structure that you stay in control, but allow enough freedom to not overwork yourself or drive the kids crazy." So I started removing things from the schedule and just leaving blanks. It didn't take long to get the schedule cut down to just basics- get up, meals and bedtime- but I worried that not having anything else in there gave the youngest too little practice with scheduled transitions. That's when I settled on the idea of scheduling one other event during the day. One variable event provides opportunity for him to practice transitioning to something he doesn't necessarily want to do and to practice following directions, but because it's just one thing, it's also a lot less stressful to plan and allows plenty of free time for the kids.

Once I figured out this formula, I was shocked at how well it worked. Over the following years, not only has getting back to school routines in the fall been easier, but I have also noticed that there was an almost immediate drop in the amount of complaints of boredom from the older kids and the general crabby attitudes that used to be so common, especially toward the end of the summer- definitely another plus! The whole summer experience with the kids has become more relaxed and enjoyable.

I would recommend giving it a try, even if you don't have kid with special needs.

"God's Plan"

As I have mentioned before I am an atheist, so I don't believe that there is a "God" to have a plan in the first place, but that isn't even what bugs me about this phrase.

What really bugs me about it is that people use these two words to get out of taking responsibility for things in their lives. I hear people say things like, "I don't know why I lost my job, but I'm sure it's part of God's plan for me." and it just makes me want to smack them upside the head.

First off, the majority of people that have something bad like that happen in their life, caused it themselves, either through their actions or through a lack of action Maybe Bob lost his job because he showed up to work drunk too many times, or maybe he simply called in "sick" more Monday mornings than company guidelines would allow. In some cases, it isn't Bob's fault so much as the upper management types mismanaging things, which is sad, but still not part of any greater "plan" for Bob and his family who must now find a new way to make ends meet.

Saying that such an event is "God's plan" is in my opinion irresponsible and self-defeating. If Bob can't recognize how he screwed up to cause himself to be fired, he may not be able to avoid repeating the behavior at his next job which will just lead to the whole mess repeating. And in the rare cases where he didn't do anything wrong, being able to take a step back and see what it was about that company that caused the issue could prevent him from stepping into a similar situation later. By claiming that "It's all part of God's Plan", you give yourself the illusion that you don't have to do anything different.

This cop out of a response also means that Bob won't give himself nearly as much credit as he deserves if he turns things around for himself and actually gets a better job. If he has to quit drinking or at least learn to regulate himself better, or has to teach himself to be more self-disciplined about showing up to work on time whenever he is scheduled to do so, that is an accomplishment that Bob should take great pride in, but if he is one of the weak minded individuals that insists that "It's all part of God's Plan" then he will claim that it wasn't his choice- it was all God's doing. Did God brush your teeth for you too?

Why is it so hard to say, "Crap! I screwed up! How can I fix it?" or "I did it!" and actually accept responsibility and or credit for it? How can we expect the next generation to take responsibility for anything if we're blaming it all on "God's Plan"? No wonder there are so many kids getting pregnant and doing drugs and otherwise getting in trouble with the law- If nothing will happen unless God plans it, then it doesn't matter if you screw up, right?

This cop out also gets used to explain things that really aren't anyone's fault. Mental disorders like Autism jump to mind for me because of my own family's challenges, but this also applies to other issues like cancer, HIV/AIDS, or heart disease. Sure, there are some things that research has shown can help to prevent these things, but none of it is 100% effective and so sometimes no matter what you do something like this can happen. That doesn't mean that it's "God's Plan"- it just means that you played the game of LIFE and luck wasn't on your side. Maybe you had a genetic trait that made you more susceptible, or maybe there was a accident that you fell victim to, or maybe you DID do something stupid like sleep around or use illegal drugs in a less than safe manor/ environment. That doesn't mean that there is a plan. It just means that SHIT HAPPENS! I've been told that some people just need to believe that there is a reason- a meaning- for all the screwed up shit that can happen in life, but for me that concept raises more questions causes more confusion than anything. Human nature being what it is, if we think there is a "plan", especially one that involves us, we want to figure out what it is. So we turn to things like religion or the bible for answers, but because both of these were created by people who were either actually trying to understand something they didn't have the ability to understand yet, or who were just trying to control other people who understood less than they did, these types of resources for guidance are misleading and often times more confusing than helpful. Sure they have a few basic good ideas covered such as don't kill any body and don't take other people's stuff, but then if you move to a different chapter of the bible, or whatever guidebook you follow, they completely contradict themselves and give you directions on when and sometimes how to break those rules. "Don't kill anyone. oh, unless, of course, they don't believe the same thing you do, because then they don't count as people and you must kill them to prove God's love for His people." What?!? Ok, that's heavily paraphrased, but honestly many of them are about that bad. If you read through the bible for example, you have the basic 10 commandments: don't kill; don't steal; don't have sex outside of marriage; etc... and then they turn around and say oh, yeah, but if someone breaks these rules, it is your duty to form a mob and go throw stones at them until they die because they offended God. Then they change the rules again when they throw in Jesus who says "Follow all those old rules and guidelines, but don't stone anyone to death anymore because you aren't perfect." Wait, a minute, so when people break the rules you don't have to kill them anymore? but isn't that part of the old rules that you just said we have to keep following? How is this not contradictory? The most common answer I get when I ask Christians this is that since Jesus is God's son, he has the ability to change the rules. Ok, let's assume for the moment that I accept that Jesus is God's son. Generally speaking doesn't the father have to be dead or have at least relinquished power to the son before the son can change his rules?Does that mean that the old God died? or did he just retire? And furthermore, God is supposed to be infallible meaning that he doesn't make mistakes, so why would the changes need to be made anyway? Did he get them wrong the first time? or was it just that society was growing up and figuring out that killing people when they screw up wasn't preventing problems. Or maybe it was that the Roman government that was in charge now had a problem with people killing people without the government's permission... Has anyone ever considered that maybe Jesus was a Roman attempt to control vigilantes that just decided to rebel?  

Just because a religion or "Holy" book covers a few good ideas doesn't mean that it's ALL good. About the only way that the "Old Testament" of the Bible actually makes sense is if you accept the idea that it is not "Word of God", but a collection of historical records, laws and fables from one ancient group of people. From a historical perspective that makes it very valuable for understanding that group and it's religion and customs, as well as some of the customs and beliefs of their descendants. HOWEVER, historical and cultural value does not equal infallible or even absolutely good. The fact that the books of the Old Testament that survive have been adopted by so many newer religions is little more than a testament to how that ancient culture has influenced and continues to influence the groups that have come after it. Many Christians today who claim to believe that the Bible is word of God and infallible are, at best, only vaguely familiar with what the Old Testament says, or, if they are actually aware of all the things it teaches, simply wave it away as if completely ignoring a large portion of what they claim is the "infallible word of God" doesn't make them the ultimate hypocrites. As an atheist who has not only read but actually studied the Bible in depth, I can tell you that not only does the Bible contain some passages of that make a lot of sense, the it is also overflowing with examples of common ancient practices that would simply be declared the most heinous of human rights violations today- many of them described in detail as performed by some very famous Biblical figures and justified in ways that today will get you thrown in prison.

One of my favorite examples of this comes from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the 2 biblical cities that were so evil that God gave up trying to save them and just bombed them from orbit, but not before he evacuated the one "righteous" man that lived there and his family. This "righteous" man took in a couple of strangers, who just happened to be angels. When his evil neighbors came beating on his door wanting to rape and possibly kill the strangers, he saved them. How? BY GIVING THE PERVERTS OUTSIDE HIS VIRGIN DAUGHTERS TO RAPE! How is this RIGHTEOUS? I'm sorry, but I don't care how holy my guests are sacrificing anybody's KIDS in order to afford an escape is not ok and this is one of the Bible's HEROES! Aside from casting doubt on the worthiness of the man who was saved, this story also illustrates the fact that women at that time were NOT CONSIDERED people in their own right. At best they were a treasured possession and at worst they were a commodity.  This doesn't fly now thanks to Women's Rights movements and Child protection and human rights laws (at least in most of the world), but according to the Bible this is RIGHTEOUS behavior.

I've kind of gotten off the subject, but my point is that it's important to take responsibility for what we can control in our lives and just deal with the curves that we can't control instead of hiding behind the elusive concept of an unknowable plan from a mysterious God that no one can prove is even real. Our society, our world, is maturing at an ever increasing rate- never have so many questions had answers and never have the means to find more answers been so readily available. Continuing to rely on ancient superstition and blind faith in things that are not only inexplicable, but also illogical and unjustifiable and basically out dated is just stupid. By all means, hold on to the ideals that religion puts forth that make sense- Killing people is wrong, taking other people's stuff is wrong, betraying someone that you have made a legal commitment to such as a spouse is wrong, ect.... but don't try to take ideals that no longer make sense and justify their use with an imaginary friend. 

Talking to Kids Basics

I don't see how this is a hard concept, but apparently it is. Everyday I see new posts where parents are upset because their kids are doing something crazy (or in some cases the parent is just worried they might) and they're wanting someone to tell them how to fix the problem.

First off, for some of you parents of teens, it may be too late for my advice because talking to your kids is not something that you can just start out of the blue. It can take years to develop the type of trust between you and your child that it takes to make talking to them effective, but without that trust, you can talk until you are blue in the face and the kid will just stare at you blankly as your words go in one ear and out the other. In order to build this trust effectively you have to start early-  the earlier the better.

I often see the question "when did you start talking to your child about ____________." and this is a marker for exactly the wrong mind set. If they are old enough that you are wondering when you should start talking to them about something, you probably should have started talking to them about it at least 6 months ago. For example, I saw one the other day asking for advice on when to start talking to their pre-teen about drugs. Ladies, I have news for you : I started talking to my kids about drugs/ alcohol/ and cigarettes when my oldest was a 1st grader, and now that she is 15, we still have regular family discussions about these subjects and many others, because talking to your kids is not a one time shot- it has to be continuous discussion.

Which brings me to another point- it has to be a discussion, not a lecture. If it's one sided, the chances of it having any impact at all is questionable at best. Ask them some questions and LISTEN to their answers. Find out if they have already talked to friends or teachers or somebody else about it and if they already have opinions about the subject. You may be surprised by how much they already know or think they know and this gives you the opportunity to build on their existing base of knowledge rather than blindly repeat or refuting things they have already accepted as fact, which just makes you look stupid in their eyes. Using their "knowledge" as a spring board to launch your discussion gets them involved and increases the chances that you will actually be heard. And if they claim no knowledge, use media images to start with. Media in this case can include anything that is relevant to your child such as magazines, TV shows, movies or newspapers. For example, I once launched a discussion with my kids about marijuana by reading to them a short article that I found on-line that was talking about fan speculation that Shaggy and Scooby from the show Scooby Doo were potheads. My kids were and still are Scooby Doo fans, so this made the subject very relevant to them.

The next piece, of course, is timing. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MAGIC TIME TO BROACH A SUBJECT WITH YOUR KIDS. If you are busy looking for that perfect time to talk to them about something, they will get the information somewhere else and your chances of reaching them will disappear. You have to seize the chance to talk them ANYTIME that the opportunity comes up. If you are watching a movie with them and one of the characters starts drinking or smoking, use it! If you find something on-line that you think they may recognize (like I did with the Scooby Doo thing), use it! If you see something in the newspaper that talks about it, use it! And for God's sake, if they ask you a question, USE IT!  You don't need a single perfect moment- several random discussions are more effective than a one specially timed and planned one.
 

Top 3 reasons that I am Proud to be American

In honor of today's celebration of our country's freedom, I thought I might take a few minutes to write about some of the things that I love about the USA.

Top of my list is freedom of speech. I love the fact that I can pretty much say or write anything I want without the government being able to stop me and that other people can too. Sure that means that there are going to be people saying some pretty dumb-ass things and pissing people off, but sometimes being able to get people upset is the only way to get them motivated to help change anything. As Jim Henson once said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." 

Without the ability to speak out against whatever we want, the government which is supposed to be working for us could easily turn the tables and enslave us. Luckily our country's founders were well aware of this danger which is why they insisted on making this part of our nations Bill of Rights. In fact this inspires me to add to each of these some commentary about how some people are trying to take these rights away. Starting with FCC's censorship of TV and radio which I think is completely unconstitutional. I'm not saying do away with the FCC- they do have a job to do that makes sense and is completely necessary for civilized use of the airwaves, but I have a real problem with how that job has been warped into an excuse to stifle free speech. Really parents, if you are concerned about your kids watching something that you deem inappropriate for them, there are means to regulate that yourself- don't insist on the government doing it for you.

Number 2 on my list is the right to own a gun. There are a lot of people in our country today that seem to think that this is a right that has out lived it's usefulness, but I couldn't disagree more. In fact I would love to see most gun control laws struck from the law books as unconstitutional because of this fundamental right. In place of such laws, I would much rather see our country make firearm safety a required course in our education system. It is a fact that lots of people die at the wrong end of a gun every year in this country, but if you look a little deeper, it is also a fact that an awful lot of the people holding the guns when they kill simply don't know how to use the damn thing because no one bothered to teach them. It is also a fact that since the implementation of gun laws preventing open carry and regulating firearm acquisition, firearm deaths have actually increased, not decreased-  another fine example of our country shooting itself in the foot (pun definitely intend).

Next on my list is the right to join or abstain from joining the military. Military service is among the most noble things that a citizen of this country can do, but the fact that every one of our soldiers, officers, etc. are there voluntarily is one of our country's greatest strengths. There are lots of people who talk about numbers like the size of China's standing army like somehow bigger automatically equals better, but I would bet on our military against any other nation in the world- firstly because of the extensive and complete training that they receive, but also because when it comes down to it, I don't see how any soldier could possibly trust their life to a fellow soldier who is only their because their government says they HAVE to be. The sheer number of people in those armies that will not give their all because they really don't want to be there should be frightening to their countries, but the fact seems to be that their leaders don't care as long as their numbers are as awesome as possible.

There are some in our country that would argue that you simply can't appreciate freedom if you don't serve, and that seem to think that forcing all young adults to serve would help everyone. Well they are welcome to their opinion, but I am glad that less hypocritical people are in charge. However, I have been disappointed that many of these same people that would wisely refuse to force citizens into service would also choose to stop willing participants from serving based on such a trivial thing as sexual orientation. Who cares what gender they are attracted to? Isn't their right to choose to have a relationship with either gender one of the things that we are trying to protect? I believe that it is commendable that anyone who has the option chooses to protect the rights of not only themselves but also of others and I am boggled by the notion that anyone would say, "Hell, no, you can't defend me! You don't like the same type of relationship I do!" That makes about as much sense as someone not being allowed to work in a sandwich shop because they own a dog.

Wait- What?! I think Feminism has gone too far!

Ok, so I'm talking to my husband last night and he tells me about this article that he read on Reddit about some guy who was married and he and his wife divorced on good terms, but Twenty-Seven Years later she went to a divorce lawyer and refiled their divorce without notifying him and was awarded not only a huge alimony, but also Child Support for 2 kids that she had years later with a second husband. WTF?!?

My initial reaction was complete disbelief, but my husband insisted it was true, so this morning, I went to Reddit myself and tried to find the article myself. I wasn't able to find it, but in the course of my search, I found plenty of examples of other related abuses of the family court laws.

I am not against women's rights, obviously, but I had not been aware of just how far the feminist movement had pushed things like this. Maybe that means I've been sheltered and oblivious, but I think it's about time that some of the rest of us start speaking up. I appreciate the fact that without the feminist movement we women would be second class citizens with very few if any rights, but hey, there's limits!  How did we ever allow it to get so far that men are being forced to pay child support for kids that DNA proves are not theirs? Or that women can seize most of their ex's income when it increases because of his hard work years after she divorces him?

I understand that there are some real creep guys out there that have taken some truly underhanded liberties against women, but how does that justify punishing the ones who aren't doing anything wrong? There are a lot of Men's rights groups that are completely outraged by this kind of thing and I can't say that I blame them, but many of them are talking about starting initiatives to revoke women's rights and repealing laws. Seems to me that there is a full fledged war of the sexes brewing and no matter which way the battle goes things are going to get ugly unless some of us can stop the extremes of both sides from making things worse.

I think we need to start a new movement that looks for equal rights for everyone. I think some serious work needs to be done overhauling all these legal systems that are causing so much anger on both sides and I think it needs to happen soon, or everyone is going to suffer.

Washington State's Budget Cuts to Education

As a concerned parent with 3 kids in online ALE programs and a son in brick and mortar special education, I have been following the proposed budget cuts in my state pretty closely and have participated in the parent/family/friends protests and coordinated mailing and phone call movements urging the government here to look elsewhere for cutting the budget down. But as you can see from this recent article on the community site for the families of online students in this state, our pleas were basically ignored. As a direct result of this legislation, ALE programs, including the online one that my kids attend, will have their state funding cut by 10-20%. Here is an excerpt from a letter that I received about the cuts just this morning:

"The breaking news is that OSPI (Office of Superintendent of Instruction) is right now ruling that the basic education funding for all ALE (Alternative Learning Experience) students will be cut to 80%. An exception is made for students enrolled in an online program that provides an average of one hour per week of synchronous digital contact. Those students will receive 90% of basic education funding .

Online program providers are just getting this news, too. They will need to make changes to their programs to reflect these drastic cuts to funding. Since staffing and curriculum costs typically exceed 80% of the operating costs of online programs, most programs will need to make detrimental cuts to match the funding cuts"

On top of that, cuts were also made to the funding for teacher salaries and pensions, while increasing measures requiring teachers to find ways to reduce the achievement gaps between students, which from what I have seen basically amounts to the government looking for ways to blame the teachers when insufficient appropriate funding and/or lack of parental support  leads to decreased test scores.

I also noticed in looking over a report that I downloaded from WA's OFM that the budget also calls for the creation of a whole new agency to direct school district spending:

"A group of experts is created through the Educational Services Districts to help school districts with financial planning and monitoring."

This group of experts is expected to cost the state $3 million dollars and as far as I can tell is basically just going to add one more layer to the mountain of red tape that the school districts have to wade through in order to do much of anything for our kids.

Let me tell you, if I was a licensed teacher or any other professional for that matter, especially in this economy, I certainly wouldn't stick around in a state that cut my income while at the same time tying my hands and demanding better results, so what exactly is the state's plan here? Are they trying to cut costs by encouraging all the teachers to quit?  what's more how are we supposed to encourage college students to become teachers so we can cut down class sizes and improve education in general if we don't pay them a decent salary and offer reasonable benefits for teachers already in the system. Just one more example of ways that our society is shooting itself in the foot.

Double Standards for Sex Offenders?

I just came across an article that really upset me.
http://femalesexoffenders.com/fso/index.php/the-news/355-rachel-brock-pleads-guilty

Now, first off, I would like to say that I'm not terribly happy with the way that the sex offender lists are supposed to work anyway. When used as intended, the system is set up to basically destroy the chances that any normal semblance of life can be achieved by anyone who has ever failed to use common sense enough to choose a willing sexual partner who is also legally old enough to make that choice. As a parent I fully understand the mentality that would want that, but as a human being that knows that one mistake doesn't define a person I have to protest the idea that all people who have once upon a time committed an error in judgement should be automatically viewed as horrible people for the rest of their lives. But whether I like it or not this is currently the law of the land.

What makes this system even worse in my opinion, is the ease with which the system is abused to punish people who do not deserve it. For example, I personally know a gentleman that as a teenager had a consensual relationship with another teen, but her parents pressed charges for rape and it stuck. Now the poor guy is on the sex offender list for life despite the fact that he was only 16 at the time and his 15 yr old girlfriend was very open about the fact that she had NOT been forced. It's been nearly 15 yrs now and that man is still paying for that one bad choice.

This article, however, led me to discover a whole new way that the system is apparently being abused- by apparently not applying the same rules to women.

I am a big fan of being a woman who has the ability to own property, to vote and press charges against people who actually hurt me, but more and more lately I have been seeing news articles about women who are insisting that they get more lenience on top of it all. I am not a huge fan of the sex offender list program, but if you are going to have a system like that, it needs to be applied equally to everyone. It's no wonder there are so many men's rights groups with rapidly growing numbers! Ladies, if you expect guys to respect you and treat you fairly, you are only shooting yourself in the foot to then turn around and demand special treatment.

Christian = Automatically Trustworthy?

While surfing the web today, as I often do, I came across a comment that has been eating at me ever since. It was a review on one of those on-line business guru sites. The site itself was pretty typical- almost completely forgettable on it's own, as it is so much like so many others that I have seen- but this comment really bothered me. 

The commenter claimed to be someone who had been using the system for a few months now with incredible results- as I said, typical of this type of site- but what bothered me was that the poster said that one of the things that they most loved about the company was the fact that it was a Christian company because “it makes it so much easier for people to trust” them.

I have no problem with people who believe in Christianity- much of my extended family is Christian and between us the only effect that their faith being different from mine has on our relationship is that we have agreed to disagree. We simply do not discuss religion aside from the 
occasional insider jokes, which due to my religious upbringing I still get and laugh along with like everyone else. My problem with the statement made in this comment comes not from a problem with Christianity, but from the implication that if you're not christian, then you are not trustworthy. That type of attitude really pisses me off.

Trust based on professed religious belief is, at best naive. Trust is earned by a perception that we "know" what someone else will do. It's supposed to be based on our observations of a series of choices which altogether help to ID the personal code of whomever we are trying to under-
stand. This personal Code, which literally refers to the belief structure in our heads that we guide our choices by, is the very definition of morality and while it can be and often is influenced by religion, Morality and Religion are NOT THE SAME THING!

There is nothing that I have ever experienced, or read, or otherwise learned that has led me to the belief that any one religion is more or less “Morally Upstanding” than any other. They all have “black sheep” and other skeletons in their folds. Nor am I trying to suggest that those without religion are ultimately better. What I am saying is that I resent the idea that that if I am, say, Muslim or Jewish, than I am somehow less trustworthy than a devoted Southern Baptist or a confirmed Roman Catholic just because I don’t accept the idea that Jesus was the savior that was prophesied in the ancient times described in the early books of the Bible, the Torah and the Koran.


The reasoning behind this offensive comment, I know, is that if people share religious beliefs, then their morality will also be similar, but the reality of life is that just because someone says they are of a particular faith doesn’t mean that they actually practice the precepts of that faith and even if they do, there may be other factors that can cause their moral code to be very different from someone else in that same religion.  Let’s look at some “religious” people throughout history:

Roman Catholics are one of my personal favorite examples. When people think of this religion, there are a few names that almost always come up, like Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa who are both well known for their good works throughout the world. But the same people who would brag about these examples of “shining morality” would rather that people not realize that Adolf Hitler was also a devote Catholic who was actually supported by Pope Pius XII despite the fact that the pope was well aware of the Nazi agenda. Was Pius any less Catholic than John Paul? No. But their life experiences caused their moral codes to differ greatly.  

Another example that people like to gloss over is all of the priests, ministers, and other religious figures who have been caught sexually abusing members of their “flocks” over the years. Are they any less religious than their more … chaste.... brethren? In some cases yes, but many times they are just as otherwise upstanding as anyone else in their respective clergy. 
What about the “Christian” groups that bomb abortion clinics and murder doctors and other medical staff that work in these clinics? Are they justified because they’re religion says that abortion is wrong? or does killing those people and destroying  those facilities make them just as “Godless” as those that they seek to punish? 

Here’s another pet peeve group of mine-  those “Christian” groups that protest around Planned Parenthood facilities. Every time that I see them around the Planned Parenthood building in my hometown with their signs depicting aborted fetuses and decrying the Planned Parenthood company for “killing babies” I have to wonder how many of those protesters have ever even walked into one of those facilities to see what it is like. My guess is that at least 95% of them have never even knowingly spoken to anyone that works for that company, though I would not be at all surprised if many of them actually attended the same churches. Despite what these protesting groups would have us believe, Planned Parenthood does not encourage everyone who comes through their door to have an abortion- in fact abortion is the absolute last resort in their books. 

The truth is that Planned Parenthood’s foremost mantra is education BEFORE pregnancy.  Many of the people that they see everyday come to them to learn how to be responsible about their sexuality and for assistance in not only preventing pregnancy  but also planning for when they ARE ready to have children. Their programs for sex education are far more complete than what is often taught in most schools and stresses abstinence as the best option for preventing pregnancy with preventative measures like condoms and birth control pills as SECONDARY lines of defense against unwanted pregnancies. Abortion is only mentioned as a last resort AFTER discussing other solutions to unwanted pregnancy such as adoption. 

My life partner and I were both raised in deeply religious households, but when we reached adulthood, we both came to the realization that neither of us truly believed in God. We renounced the religions that we were born into and joined the growing number of people in our world who are professed atheists. When we “accidentally” got pregnant with our oldest child, I suppose we could have looked to abortion as an option, but despite the fact that we were not in the best financial situation at the time, we really did not consider abortion to be a viable option for us- not because we feared punishment from some omnipotent God, but because, despite the fact that it had happened earlier than we had originally planned, we had always wanted to have children and we saw this as an opportunity rather than a problem to be solved. Does that mean that somehow we are better than say a 16 year old rape victim that chooses to abort a fetus because of the traumatic experience that caused the pregnancy? I don’t think so.  But neither does our lack of belief in an all powerful super being make us bad people. 

Just because I am an Atheist doesn’t mean that I am a bad person. I still follow the laws in my community and help my neighbors and do some charity work when I can. I’m generally dependable, loyal (sometimes to a fault), and honest. I teach my kids to be honest and friendly and to play fairly with their friends. I just don’t attend church- mostly because I do not believe in what the church I was raised in teaches and have yet to find another church that teaches anything I believe to be truer. I believe that to continue to attend a church that you do not actually believe in is hypocritical and I refuse to do so “just to keep up appearances” which seems to be what many people do these days. How does that make me less worthy of trust?